How to Be a Great Co-Roommom (Without Losing Your Mind)
Being a room parent is already a juggling act — but being a co-roommom? That’s a whole new level of teamwork, diplomacy, and (ideally) magic. When it works, it’s amazing. You have someone to bounce ideas off of, divide the work with, and laugh about the chaos. But when it doesn’t? It can feel like you’re doing all the heavy lifting while someone else swoops in for credit or disappears entirely.
Let’s dive into how to make this partnership thrive — or at least survive — with grace, boundaries, and clear communication.
The Good, the Bad, and the Awkward
Let’s start with the honest truth: co-roommom dynamics can go one of two ways.
The Good:
- You text like besties.
- You naturally fall into roles that suit you (one organizes, one decorates, one communicates, etc.).
- You’re equally invested in making the classroom experience great.
- You have each other’s backs — when one is swamped, the other steps up.
The Bad:
- One person disappears as soon as things get busy.
- Communication is slow or non-existent.
- One takes credit for work the other did.
- You’re constantly unsure who’s doing what.
The goal is to get to the good, or at least to a place where things are clear and fair — even if you’re not BFFs.
Start with a Conversation
As soon as you find out who your co-roommom is, reach out. A quick coffee or even a phone chat goes a long way.
Here’s what to talk about early on:
- Schedules: How much time can each of you realistically commit?
- Strengths: Are you a spreadsheet person or a Pinterest party planner? What do you enjoy doing?
- Preferences: Some people love leading. Some prefer to support. Neither is better — but knowing this up front helps.
- Communication: Text? Email? Shared Airtable? Get on the same page.
This sets the tone and prevents a lot of confusion later.
Read the Room(mom)
Your co-roommom’s vibe matters. Are they Type A and want everything planned to the minute? Or are they more relaxed and spontaneous?
Here are some cues to watch for:
- Fast responders = probably detail-oriented, eager.
- Delayed replies = could mean busy, overwhelmed, or disorganized.
- Lots of ideas = excited but may need help narrowing down.
- Few ideas but great execution = a doer, not a planner.
Neither style is better — but understanding each other makes for smoother collaboration.
Does Someone Need to Take the Lead?
Not necessarily. But every team works better when there’s a sense of direction.
If your co-roommom prefers a supporting role, go ahead and lead — just don’t make all the decisions alone. Include them, check in, ask for input.
If you don’t want to lead but they clearly do — let them. There’s no shame in taking a step back as long as you’re still showing up and contributing.
The issue is when no one leads. Then things fall apart. So if that’s the case, have an honest convo. It could be as simple as:
"Hey, I’ve noticed we’re both kind of waiting on the other to take charge. Want to make a plan for who handles what?"
Can You Ask Your Co-Roommom to Do More?
Yes — kindly, clearly, and early.
Sometimes people don’t even realize they’re dropping the ball. Maybe they assume you’ve got it covered, or they’re unsure how to help.
Instead of accusing, try:
- "Hey! I could use your help with the signup sheet for the Halloween party. Do you want to take that on?"
- "I noticed you’ve been super busy — is there something small you could handle for the next event?"
Be specific. Ask for help. Don’t let the resentment simmer.
Splitting the Workload
Here are a few ways to divide and conquer:
1. By Event
- You handle the fall party, they take the spring one.
2. By Task
- One handles communication and signups.
- One does décor, setup, and crafts.
3. By Strengths
- One creates cute flyers and invites.
- One manages money and logistics.
Use shared tools like Google Docs, Airtable, or even just a text thread to track who’s doing what.
The Credit Issue: What If One Person Does the Work, But the Other Gets the Praise?
This one stings — especially when you’ve stayed up late baking cupcakes or setting up tables, and someone else gets the thank-you email.
If it happens once, take a breath. It might not be intentional.
If it happens often, say something. Maybe not publicly, but in a private, kind way.
"Hey, I noticed in the group chat that it sounded like I wasn’t involved in the party planning — I just want to make sure we’re sharing the credit since we’re both doing a lot."
And in general, be generous with credit. Thank them publicly when they contribute. Most people will reflect that back.
In the End, It’s About the Kids
Remember why you’re doing this. Not for the credit. Not for the control. But to make the year feel a little more fun, connected, and joyful for the kids.
A strong co-roommom partnership can make everything easier and more enjoyable. It’s not always perfect, but with some communication, humility, and kindness, it can be a lot better than going it alone.
So take a deep breath, text your co-roommom, and build something awesome together — even if it starts with a slightly awkward chat.
